Life is a Balancing Act: My New Year's Resolutions

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, or a great time celebrating whatever you do over the winter season. I certainly did, and with all the lazing time I had over today, I decided to write my New Year's Resolutions. School is back in swing now, so it has certainly been difficult to get started on my resolutions, but I thought that'd I'd share them with you all and hopefully inspire you a little bit!

1. Write at least 10 minutes a day.

I've recently been dealing with some pretty bad depression, and basically all my passions have fallen by the wayside because of it. However, I've noticed that when I do write, I feel happy and productive and it tends to inform my mood for the rest of the day. I like this resolution because 10 minutes goes fast, and it leaves the option to write for longer if I'm particularly feeling it. I tend to average about 300-500 words in ten minutes, so writing 1,000 words every two days is pretty hefty and productive! So far, I've been doing fairly well on this goal, and it's making me feel enthusiastic about my hobbies again.

2. Practice violin at least three times in the school week and once on weekends, for at least five minutes each time.

This is another passion that has fallen by the wayside for me--with so much homework going on and the like, it's been difficult to take the time to do some quality work with my instrument. I decided to not get quite as ambitious as committing to violin every day, instead just focusing on a couple times a week. This will hopefully start to improve my skills again, and get me more passionate!

3. Read 15 books this year.

School-required reading has recently gotten in the way of my individual reading time, and losing this main form of relaxation has been really taxing on my energy. My goal last year was 50 books, and I just barely hit 13, so I'm deciding to create a slightly more modest goal this year.

4. Meditate at least three times a week.

I am a very "on" person, constantly thinking and worrying and planning. Therefore, I'd like to work on creating space in my life where I can reflect or simply quiet my brain on a regular basis. In a previous article about good apps for self help, I talked about the app Stop, Breath & Think, which is a free meditation app that provides guided meditations. I find it incredibly helpful, and it has tons of guides for various emotions you may be wanting to settle.

5. Continue to work on my mental health.

Last year, one of my goals was to "figure out my mental health", and in 2015, I got a counselor and started to really come to terms with my mental illness. After a period of improvement, I was hit hard by depression this fall and winter, and have been grappling with it continuously. This year, I want to keep working with it and also continue speaking out about it.

6. Worry less about what other people think and do. Focus on you and those you care about.

With the onset of my depression, I've gotten incredibly paranoid and stressed about other people's issues and what they think of me. This year, I'd like to start thinking less about other people in a negative or self-esteem-destroying manner, and instead focus on lifting people up and spending time with people that lift me up.

7. Simplify. Don’t say ‘yes’ to everything. Focus on what makes you happy, and what needs to be done to get what makes you happy.

If you know me, you know that I'm one of those people that feels like they have to do everything, or else they're somehow a failure or losing or quitting. This year, I want to make myself feel okay with doing less and focusing more on things I truly am passionate about. 

Well, there they are, folks! What do you think of my New Year's Resolutions? Are there any that you could apply to your own life? And what are yours? Please feel free to comment on or share this post with people you think might enjoy my resolutions, or tell me about your own. Together, we can make 2016 happy, relaxing, and adventurous!

Good luck and much love,
Kekai

Welcome to Hell: School and Stress

Hey everyone! I'm here writing to you all today sitting at home--on a Tuesday? (Ended up finishing and posting this on a Sunday. Woe is me!) Why? Well, I'm taking what I like to call a mental health day, something that I think should be quite a bit more socially accepted than it is now. I figured that I'd talk a bit about something that is very important to me and a lot of my friends: school, and the stress, anxiety, and pitfalls that come with it.

I'm a high school junior, which means they're hammering us hard with things about college, SAT, and our futures on the whole. However, the stress didn't start this year: it's been a constant since sixth grade, when homework started getting more and more intense. It's only gotten worse since then, and I finally started going to a counselor last year when I stopped being able to sleep because of prolonged anxiety attacks.

One of my best friends described it well to me last year. She said it's like we're running a race, and we're all running and running and can't stop, but some us just can't keep going and fall over from exhaustion, and the rest of us that are still running are seeing them fall and wish we could too, but we have to aim for the finish line. Another friend said it was like running a race as well, except that there were tall brick walls on either side of you, and the finish line kept getting further and further away. The same friend also described it like trying to catch a bunch of balloons as they float upwards, and only being able to catch a couple. What I'm trying to say here is that all kids are experiencing this stress, and most kids know that it's not healthy.

Here's what I think is the root of the issue: we live in a world that is highly competitive. Everyone wants to win. Everyone wants to get a good job, have a happy home life, and get into a good college. However, instead of pushing us to do our best in a healthy way, the American school system uses scare tactics to make us feel like if we don't give our absolute all, we're going to fail miserably. I've been watching PowerPoints and presentations on how to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life since middle school! I've been thinking about college since then too. I just think it's crazy that we're asking the same kids who have to get permission to go to the bathroom to make the weighty decision of what they want to spend the rest of their lives doing!

I digress. I'm getting a little ranty here, so I think I'll separate the rest of my conversation into a couple different sections. Hopefully you all will find it a little less cumbersome to read!

1. Homework and Grade Stress

I would generally consider myself to be about an A student, save the stray B that gets thrown in for a particularly tough class. I'm not going to lie, I'm a smart kid. However, grades still stress me out a ton. Schools have started to make us think that an 'A' is really what everyone should be getting, a 'B' is only okay, and a 'C' or below is as good as saying you're a failure. I think this is really dumb, because (at least in the American school system), an A is a 100-90%, a B is an 89-80%, and a C is a 79-70%! That means you're getting about 3/4ths of the content, which is a HUGE accomplishment. However, when I look at my grades, if I get anything lower than a B, I stress about getting my grade back up to an A or B, and if someone gets even a percentage point higher or lower than me, I feel worse or better, respectively. School administrators also seem to push this idea that you need a 4.0 to get into college, which is highly stressful, because most people don't have a 4.0! If we focused a lot more on improvement and actually learning things, rather than fact memorization and a grading scale, I feel like kids would actually be doing a lot better in school.

2. College/Future Stress

As aforementioned, I've been taking career quizzes through my school since 7th grade. I've always known that I want to be an author, but many kids have no idea what they want to do, or are down to a couple options and trying to decide between stability and passion. Junior year especially, all teachers can seem to talk about is college. I've had teachers say that my career goals should match my financial goals, otherwise I need to re-evaluate whether I want to do that career. I've had teachers say that if I don't get good grades, I won't get into a good college, and I won't have a job that I want. I think that it's just silly that they're asking us to decide what we want to do for the REST OF OUR LIFE over the course of a few years--a few years where our wants and needs are changing drastically and constantly!

I used to be so incredibly sure that I could make it as a writer. I used to think 'yeah, it's hard, but I'll work hard and get published in no time'. Now, because of all the talk of the crazy costs of college and the need for financial stability, I worry that I'm never going to be able to make it. I'm trying to come up with something consistent that I can fall back on, in case I'm not published before I graduate college. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to give up my dream in order to support myself, like so many others have had to.

3. Extracurricular Stress

Not only does school expect me to get perfect grades, but it also expects me to spend time doing things like sports or music outside of school. I'm sure you've heard people say that it takes more than grades to get into college--you need to show that you're well-rounded by participating in at least one (or, even better/worse, multiple) extracurriculars! If you don't, colleges won't even look at you!
I'm 100% for kids exploring their passions outside of academia. However, the issue occurs when school is already piling on so much homework that your extracurriculars become a burden and stressful.

Take me for example: my current extracurriculars are violin and yoga. I go to a two-hour orchestra rehearsal on Monday nights, the night I get most homework. I also have a private lesson for 45 minutes once a week. Not to mention the time I have to put in for practicing and concerts! Yoga is once a week, but honestly I should be working out more. I also love writing, but between everything else, it's difficult to make time. In the spring, I participate in Speech & Debate, which often takes up at least two Saturdays a month, a practice a week, and outside practicing. I would like to get tutored in my math and science, cook more, and write, draw, or just relax. But I have to prioritize.

I love all these things, but every time I have to go and do them it feels like a burden--I have so little time, that I wish that I could just stay home and relax. But I feel like I have to do everything, otherwise I won't amount to anything. I have to be a jack of all trades, or I'm worthless.

So What Do You Do?

I'm still trying to figure out how to handle the anxiety that school gives me, so I'm not sure I'm qualified to give very much advice. Here are a few things that I can think of:

• Get a counselor--I know it's one more thing, but I meet with my counselor once every two weeks, and it's so helpful to have an unbiased professional listening to me. She helps me come up with reasonable solutions to all my problems. It can take a little time to find a counselor that works, but I got lucky and found her on my first try though my doctor's office.
• Come up with coping mechanisms--I have a list in my bullet journal of things to do when I get anxious or stressed and need time to calm down. It's also good to make time where you're alone to just relax and do something fun and creative.
• Follow your heart--spend time reflecting on what you feel like you want out of life. You don't have to decide right now, and they can be as specific or general as you want. Writing in a journal can be really effective for this.

So, that's all I've got for you today. I hope school isn't as stressful for you as it is for me, and I hope that we can help our school systems become a less stressful place for everyone. How do you cope with stress and anxiety related to school? How have you experienced it? Let me know in the comments.

Thank you,
Kekai